Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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