If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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