I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
