Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
