if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
