16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
