So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
