didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
