she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
