And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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