It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
