You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
