If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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