He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
