you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
