dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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