woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
