Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
