Please, let me fuck your mom
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
