I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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