cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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