I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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