in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
