from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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