That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
