i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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