I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
