so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
