Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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