So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
