today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
