Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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