Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
