thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
