Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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