How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
