i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
