i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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