just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
