I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
