Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
