If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
