i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize