Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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