Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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