And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
