I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
