I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
