Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
