Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
