i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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