apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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