my sisters under your porch take her home
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
