What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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