I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
