i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
