last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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