He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
