I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
