i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
