Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
