I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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