My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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