apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
