I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
