that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
