HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
