I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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