he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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