Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
