do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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