He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
babies were throwing up all over the place
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
