you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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