So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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