And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
