mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
