It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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