I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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