If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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