I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
